Did I Tell You
by Emisha
Summary: This is purely a ‘fill in the blanks’ story from The Deathly Hallows book after chapter 36. It is what I would have liked to have read before the huge leap of 19 years into the future.
1. Numb

**THIS AND FOLLOWING CHAPTERS ARE FROM THE ****OLD**** VERSION OF 'DID I TELL YOU' – THEY ARE BACK HERE BY REQUEST AS I HAVE NOT FINISHED THE EDITING OF THIS STORY AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE ME TO FINISH IT.**

Disclaimer: J K Rowling owns all of Harry Potter characters.

**A/N: This story comes from Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows book. It is about what I would have liked to of read if there had been a chapter thirty seven and subsequent chapters before the story leapt into the future nineteen years later. **

Please note, it is purely a 'fill in the blanks' kind of short story of how Harry and his friends coped after the battle with Voldemort and what happened in his relationship with Ginny. I do apologize to those readers who have thought this was anything more. I have since changed the summary to reflect what this story is about more clearly.

**Did I Tell You is story with a lot of emotion in it compared to JK Rowling's Potter books. But I hope you will still find this to be an enjoyable read.**

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**Did I Tell You**

**Chapter One **

**Numb**

Professor McGonagall's Headmasters Office seemed strangely empty to me. I had spent a lot of time in here in the past but it had been with a different head of Hogwarts School back then, though it was he who had requested me to be here now. Earlier today I had been in this same office with my friends and spoken with Professor Dumbledore. It surprised me that he had called me back here so soon.

As the day progressed after we had left the Professor earlier, a weight began to overwhelm me. I felt a distance forming between myself and anyone I was near, including Ron. It was like an unspoken request for space; I understood that and gave him what he needed. Ginny was not around either, eventually I came to the conclusion she didn't want to see me.

I had retreated into my own thoughts when I found a room alone in the upper floors of Hogwarts. There I played out everything that had happened over the past few days in my mind. The exhaustion I felt should have claimed me long ago and given me sleep, but it had only served to fuel the realisation of what I had done.

It was Kreacher that found me and told me of the Professor wishing to see me again. At first I didn't want to come preferring my own company than feel the distance grow of the people I cared about. But I owe the Professor for so much and to have refused his request would have been rude.

When I arrived Hermione and Ron were sitting in front of his picture. I was a little surprised to see them here as well. I sat next to them without speaking. Hermione looked up and weakly smiled but Ron kept his head down. There was that distance again. I didn't know what to say or do to make it things right between us.

Professor Dumbledore's portrait hung on the wall closest to the Headmasters desk. He was dressed in his formal grey wizard attire that shimmered as he moved while he spoke with us. This was the place he could exist now and even then it was in a limited fashion. It was very strange to be able to communicate with him still even though he died sometime ago. I had no idea how this worked and a subconscious thought wondered if Hermione did.

The three of us have been sitting around his portrait for some time now, we all had listened quietly to his words and effort to offer us comfort now the battle was won against Voldemort. But it didn't feel like it was a victory, not to me. How can the professor look at it that way when so many have died because of me?

An inner voice in me screamed out to argue with him on this but I couldn't. My voice refused to speak, my body felt depleted of strength to put up any resistance.

Ron had buried his face into Hermione's shoulder when she wrapped her arms around him in support. Her cheeks stained with silent tears, her eyes closed as she pulled him in closer to her. He never spoke, all I heard were the quiet sobs of his grief.

Seeing him, seeing them both like this filled me with a new burden that outweighed the war I just fought with Voldemort. The force I was hit with consumed me as I realised of what I had just said in my mind. I was to blame for all the deaths and suffering, if it wasn't for me, all those people would be alive now. No longer did I wonder on why I felt a distance between Ron and me and why Ginny was nowhere to be seen.

I couldn't cry, I felt detached, alone.

How could I fail the one family that showed me love? The Weasley family had taken me in and treated me as one of their own and look how I have repaid their kindness. Through my lack of ability they had lost a cherished son, a brother. Fred was gone. I may not have been his real brother but to me he was and I felt the loss as if he was but with the added guilt of failing him and his family. I could hardly comprehend that he was really gone; I didn't want to accept it being real. I wanted this to be a dream, a nightmare that I could wake up from.

The numb feeling intensified from grief as I thought of all the others who cared for me over the last seven years who were also gone forever because of me. Sirius Black, my godfather and best friend of my parents. Remus Lupin another good friend of my parents, his wife Tonks, Mad-Eye Moody, Professor Snape and Professor Dumbledore. Each one I would have died for and yet I am the one that lives.

It's not right, none of this is right. Where is the justice for those who are left behind to grieve because of me?

"Harry, I see your torment. Remember you have saved the entire wizard world with the great sacrifices you have made." I looked up and saw his sad eyes gaze upon me. There was more in his words than he said pity and affection, but I could not respond, I did not deserve his kindness.

"You all need rest. Hermione, could you help Ron to the Gryffindor dormitories?" He said quietly.

Hermione nodded her head at the Professor in acknowledgement of his request. She encouraged Ron to stand and looked at me with caring eyes.

"Come on Harry" she said gently. I felt her hand grab mine as she guided Ron to the doorway with me in tow.

"We will talk again tomorrow Harry" the Professor said when I reached the door.

A cold gust of air entered the room when Hermione opened the door. There was an impression of death to it as well as anger, and a good measure of sorrow. From all those who perished in the battle, I thought to myself.

Parchments on the desk ruffled being whipped up from the gusts in the room as it searched for a place to find rest. The books and jars shook on their shelves in turn lifted by the unrest of the tormented air thrashing around now with vigour. I did not know what it was that caused this but felt responsible for its obvious despair.

There was nothing more I could do for anyone or anything, there was nothing more left in me to make this right. I felt striped of life.

The Professor seemed to have picked up on my inner turmoil. "No more tonight Harry, you need to rest."

"Tomorrow" I said confirming the arrangement from earlier. My voice thick and broken conveyed my emotions; I knew I couldn't do more, not tonight.

My head felt heavy and hung low as I turned and followed my friends down the stairs. My hand instinctively reached to the centre of the stairwell, as we made our way down the steps. The Gargoyle was cold and smooth like marble but there was a life in it, an animation that was not visible to the eye but certainly felt.

The stone staircase echoed as we took each step, it sounded like a heartbeat out of rhythm. Did Hogwarts have an existence, a life to it that I was not aware of before? Did this castle and home to students and staff alike, suffer physically from the battle?

_I must be losing my mind_. I thought to myself. But I couldn't shake this feeling there was an element of truth to my theory.

We walked through the corridors filled with portraits, most of the people sung out congratulations to me with praise of defeating Voldemort. Some were offering their condolences to us which I felt more at ease with. I was waiting for the deserved abuse for being the failure that I am. It never came...

Their senseless words made me feel worse. I wished for my legs to move faster, to run from the insanity of this. But my feet could barely take a step from the weight of my own despair. It took all of my inner strength to put one foot in front of the other to get me to the Gryffindor Common room.

We reached the moving staircase. A groaned guttural sound emanated from the base of it as it moved us swinging us to the landing we needed to reach the corridor to the common room.

Again I wondered if Hogwarts was suffering from the battle. There was an impulse in me to speak out how sorry I was for everything and maybe I would have, except we just reached The Fat Lady portrait.

"Password" she asked. There was nervous tone in her question that had never been there before.

I did not know the password and was too numb to try and think of possible answers of what it might be.

Neither Hermione nor Ron spoke, they had not said anything the entire time we had made our way here. What could they say? Why would Ron want to speak with me? Did he hate me? I wouldn't blame him if he did.

But it was Ron who spoke first.

"I don't know it" He said not really speaking to anyone in particular, he just stared aimlessly at the painting.

"You know who we are; can you not let us through?" Hermione pleaded with The Fat Lady.

"There are rules for a reason. You could be He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named followers in disguise." She said sympathetically but not enough to open the doorway.

Not one of us had enough strength in us to argue with her.

"That's it then" Ron said sounding defeated. "We have no place to go" his voice hitched from the finality of our situation. Hermione wrapped her arms around him again. He sunk into her embrace.

I stood there watching them holding each other. For so long they had denied their feelings for each other, it had been almost comical to watch the games in the past of how they avoided the attraction they felt for each other. But this was not attraction that brought them in each other's arms now, it was grief.

I felt some relief to know Ron had Hermione to help him through his pain from the loss of his brother. It was right after all we had been through that he should not go through this alone. As much as I wanted it to be otherwise, I couldn't help him through this when I was the reason for Fred's death.

How could Ron ever forgive me for what I have done to him and his family? But did I want forgiveness, did I deserve forgiveness? I was torn on what I wanted in answer to these questions. I did not believe I deserved forgiveness but there was one member of his family that I knew I would give anything to have it, but knew I could never hope to receive, let alone hope to be close to again. Ginny.

It seemed just in a way as punishment that I shall never again hold her in my arms, to never be able to tell her that I love her.

The numb feeling surrendered to the ache in my heart as my mind brought up images of Ginny – her sweet smile that melted my heart, her eyes that blazed with passion and her fiery red hair that sculptured her beautiful face. Everything about Ginny I loved. Once she loved me but not now, never again could she feel anything remotely close to love for me. If she loathed me, hate even, I wouldn't blame her.

My life was filled with me being alone from the moment Voldemort killed my parents and I was placed in the care of my Aunt and Uncle who despised my existence. They had gone to extremes in making it clear how much they didn't want me; it was like sport to them in how they could make my life a misery. My only sanctuary in life had been when I turned eleven and came here to Hogwarts.

But at this moment all the pain I had been through was nothing compared to how I felt now, I had never hurt so much. I had truly lost everyone that I loved but losing Ginny brought on a new pain. I gave her my heart long ago and knew the moment I had that she was the one for me. She was the girl who I wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with.

I closed my eyes remembering every detail about her, torturing myself I know but I couldn't let her go. She meant everything to me.

The Fat Lady spoke again. "Password" I was close to being sarcastic with the portrait for asking us when she knew we didn't know.

I heard the voice of an angel behind me.

"Rambling Rose"

My eyes flew open but I dared not turn. I couldn't breathe. Was this really Ginny? Had I lost my mind so far that I was hearing voices now, her voice?

I almost jumped as the portrait moved out of the way revealing the entrance to the common room.

A warm hand took hold of mine, it was her hand. I fought the tears threatening to unhinge me completely as they whelmed up in my eyes, my heart was thundering in my chest. None of this made sense, she should not want to be near me, I was no better than Voldemort – death and suffering to so many. How could bear to be near me, did she not hate me?

Turning my head to look at her I immediately felt the shatter of my heart breaking to see her red tear-filled eyes as she fought to hold back her emotions.

My hand cupped her face, she pressed into it closing her eyes as her tears streamed down her flushed cheeks. Instinctively I pulled her into me. I wanted desperately to protect her, to free her from this pain.

"Ginny" I cried with her holding her close to me.


	2. Don't Say Goodbye

**OLD VERSION OF DID I TELL YOU – PLEASE READ CHAPTER ONE NOTES FOR THE EXPLANATION ON WHY.**

Disclaimer: J K Rowling owns all of Harry Potter characters.

* * *

**Did I Tell You**

**~ Chapter Two ~**

**Don't Say Goodbye**

"Move along, I am not hanging here all day!" The Fat Lady said annoyed.

My arms were wrapped around Ginny still, holding her close. I didn't want to let go of her – I was afraid that she would come to her senses and push me away.

"Harry" Hermione said softly. She took hold of my left hand and tried to tug me towards the opening.

I lifted my head and felt the cool breeze on my cheeks from where my tears had fallen. Ginny loosened her hold of me, my heart skipped a beat thinking this was it, the moment she would shun me... as she should. Instead she turned slightly facing the doorway. I could feel the pressure on my back from her arm she had left around me, guiding me to move.

My feet felt heavy and clumsy as we moved through the short corridor into the common room. I was glad to see it was free of students; I didn't want to be with anyone but Ginny and my friends. The two red couches looked welcoming in front of the well lit fireplace. I stared at the flames for a moment and watched them flicker in the dim lit room as my emotions struggled to catch up with me. There was so much I wanted to say to Ginny, but where do I start? My eyes lingered on the flames while I searched desperately for the words.

"Sit down Harry, you look like you are going to collapse" Hermione said breaking my thought.

Ginny's eyes met mine instantly. I was a little shocked to see fear in them. She all but pushed me onto the couch and for a moment I saw the old Ginny come out with so much fire and determination in her. It was fleeting though, as soon as I was sitting down I saw so much sorrow in them.

"Are you..." I paused "Do you..." _What am I trying to say?_ I tried again "Can I..." her warm hand covered my mouth ending my pitiful attempt to say anything.

Ginny flicked her hair back as she did when there was something she wanted to say without interruption. I could see she was struggling to keep it together. I wasn't sure what it was she was going to say. My mind was churned over what it could be. Maybe she was trying to find the words to tell me goodbye? I couldn't help the dread that suddenly claimed me completely. Was this what she was going to say? Am I about to lose her to? In my mind I felt certain this must be true. What else could it be for her to prepare herself like this.

"Please don't, Ginny no..." I wanted desperately to avert her telling me goodbye, to somehow find a reason for her to stay. What did I have to offer? I had all but killed her brother; I had put her family through hell. Anytime someone got close to me I have put them in life threatening danger. Ginny's hand covered my mouth again silencing me.

Every instinct in me wanted to back away, to run. I knew she had every right to not want me, to hate me even, but I couldn't hear it from her, especially not tonight, not ever...

"Don't Harry" she said almost forcefully, pausing midsentence.

I cringed inside, my breath held as I waited to hear the final blow to strike me down. Seconds felt like hours.

"Don't do that to me_ ever_ again!" She bit her lower lip fighting back a fresh flow of tears, but her eyes were still fierce.

"I thought I had lost you" Her voice broke as some of the fire in her diminished.

This confused me; it wasn't what I was expecting to hear. Where were my marching orders banishing me from her life? I just sat there dumbstruck.

She collected herself again.

"I thought you were dead!" Ginny's fury come out as she grabbed my shirt almost yelling at me.

I leaned back a little in shock from her wrath when her features changed from anger to despair, opening an ocean of tears streaming down her cheeks.

I pulled her in my arms, holding her protectively into me as I realised the enormity of what I had done to her, the torture I had put her through from the trick I had to play on Voldemort.

"Oh God... Ginny" My heart broke with her. Hearing her cry like that from what I had done to her, it was soul destroying. I had no choice in doing what I had done with him, it was the only way. They had to believe I was dead for it work, but at what cost? I remembered hearing her scream when Hagrid took me back into Hogwarts as I was paraded in front of the students. It took all of my strength to not respond. But seeing her now, holding her in my arms...

_When will the ones I love stop being punished for my weakness?_ I angrily yelled at myself in my head.

"I'm so sorry" I kissed the top of her head not letting her go. "Oh Ginny" I said softly not know what I could do to make this up to her.

"You had us all fooled. I thought you were dead too" Ron spoke for the first time. I looked at him. He looked a mess, we all did.

"There was no other way. I had to make Voldemort think I was dead." I said trying to explain why I did it. Ginny was shaking; I tightened my hold on her, kissing her again on the head.

"I'm sorry" I whispered to her.

"It worked, he's dead." He said stepping closer to Ginny and I. He was about to put his hand on her back when Hermione stopped him shaking her head. She led him back to the other couch where they sat down keeping her arm around him.

I moved myself so I could lean back on the arm rest of the couch that Ginny and I were sitting on. Her head rested against my chest as her tears slowly abated.

"It is over isn't it?" She asked quietly for reassurance.

"Yes, he can't come back again." I said stroking her cheek as she looked up at me.

"It's just a matter of rounding up his followers now, but that is not for us to worry about" Hermione tried to ease Ginny's fears.

"So you are not going to go off leaving me again in the morning?" her eyes searched mine.

My hand lifted her chin up higher to me. "Not even for a second" I said taking the moment to feel her lips on mine.

Her hand wrapped around my neck pulling me in harder. There was a healing in this kiss that I didn't expect. In the past when I had kissed Ginny, I had felt passion and love for her. This was different. It was more. This time I felt a deep sense of possession. She was mine, I was hers. And nothing again could tear us apart. We were finally free to love without fear of death looming over us.

I felt her body sink into mine as our kiss became more intense. We knew our boundaries but for the moment this kiss spoke more than any words I could say.

"Cut it out you two" Ron said cutting into the moment of the amazing feelings I have of Ginny being this close to me.

My lips lingered on hers, neither of us willing to break free. It was our time and hoped Ron would deal with it. Ginny is my priority. I love her.

"Leave them be Ron" Hermione chastised him.

"It's just not right to see your sister kissing a bloke, disgusting" he said grunting "And before you say it, I don't care that it is Harry!" he added making his feelings clear. A little of the old Ron was back. In the back of my mind I was relieved to hear him.

"Ronald!" Hermione only called him that when she was annoyed with him.

"What...? It isn't right Hermione, I don't want to see it!" he tried to explain but he wasn't as forceful as a moment ago. I could only imagine her face right now. No wonder he was sounding worried.

I knew he wasn't going to leave it alone and I guess to a point I could understand what he was saying. If I had a sister, I think I would feel a bit weird seeing her being intimate with a bloke. Relenting, I pulled away from Ginny.

"No..., don't listen to that idiot" she groaned.

I kept her in my arms. "I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here with you Ginny."

Her eyes blazing once more she glared at Ron.

"How about you keep your eyes shut in future and keep your nose out of _my_ business!" she yelled at him.

"You are my business!" he retorted.

She tried to get up, I imagined she was going to give him a good thumping but I held on to her.

"Let me go" she said struggling.

"Not for a second, remember?" I weakly smiled, trying to calm her down.

"Don't think this is over Ron, Harry can't protect you forever!" she said through clenched teeth.

He shrugged unapologetically. "I am not afraid of you!" he said being blasé about it.

He should be. I love Ginny but she has one hell of a temper on her.

His words only fuelled her anger with him more. But I kept quiet as she let lose her opinion of her big brother and how much she could hurt him. Something about how he couldn't conjure butterbeer if his life depended on it.

Within the half hour they had lowered their voices. I had learnt enough over the years not to get into it with them. But I could also see it was their way of releasing other pains they were feeling and this alone would have kept me silent. Hermione occasionally rolled her eyes at Ron with his ridiculous rebuttals. I was sure he only said those things to stir Ginny up more; either that or he was being a complete idiot and had a death wish. _Poor choice of words..._ I thought instantly, especially after today.

My eyes focused on the flames flickering in the fireplace, it was hypnotic. Snap shots of what happened with Voldemort flashed in my mind from time to time. But it was Ginny next to me that kept my mind here and embracing the moment of having her in my arms. This is where I want to be, just Ginny and me, together. My eyes grew heavy as the hum of their voices began to sound distant till finally, sleep claimed me.

The quiet hushed words of Ron talking to someone woke me from my slumber. It took a few moments for my mind to realise I wasn't asleep anymore. I kept my eyes closed as I listened to Ron, not wanting to interrupt him.

"Don't wake them mum, Ginny is fine, Harry wouldn't…" His words dropped off not knowing how to say what he obviously thought his mother must be thinking. It was almost amusing after the verbal battle he had with his sister a little earlier.

"Oh Ron, I know Dear" It was Mrs Weasley voice I heard. When my brain kicked into gear I suddenly felt a wave of anxiety wash over me. It is Mrs Weasley.

"I knew they would end up together, I always did." She paused as if trying to sort her words out. "But not yet, she is still too young."

There was a long pause before she spoke again. "Hermione and you... are you?"

His tone said it all of his feelings for her. "I think she loves me mum, I think she really loves me" he said quietly in a bashful way.

"Well if you could not annoy me for at least one day running Ronald I might actually say it for you to hear" Hermione said quietly with sarcasm.

"Hermione… uh... you're awake?" Ron said startled. That would have been priceless to see.

"I uh…" He was embarrassed and I had to force myself from laughing and giving away I was awake.

"Well spotted!" Hermione smiled with one eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Oh… uh yeah" he said lost for words, she hit him gently on the chest and let off a little laugh.

"I needed this, to see you two…" Mrs Weasley's voice trailed off changing so quickly.

"Fred's gone" Her voice broke as if she had just realised he has died. She was in shock.

I swallowed deeply shifting slightly. Hearing her sorrow, her grief brought back my guilt. There was no penance I could do to make this right for her, except maybe my absence. I owed the Weasley family so much, but the one thing that may ease their suffering would be worse than death to me. To be parted from Ginny was more than I could bear, now or ever. How do I let go of her... ? I can't, I simply can't do it. Shame overwhelmed me, I am so selfish, but what else could I do?

I found it so hard to keep up the pretence of being asleep with my mind consumed with guilt.

Footsteps alerted me to others arriving.

"Molly, here you…" He broke midsentence. It was Mr Weasley. The heaviness of his voice was clear he was in no better shape than Mrs Weasley.

My time with Ginny was racing away from me. Panic gripped me; I could feel my heart hammering in my chest. They will send me away, forbid me to see her and I will be alone... broken.

Ginny woke up to the sounds in the room. I pretended to wake at the same time. I felt awful for being so deceitful but I needed time.

In moments she was gone... out of my arms. They felt so empty now. I felt empty.

She was by her parent's sides holding them and each wrapping their arms around her. I kept my distance. If I could tell them how sorry I was, for everything, but no words came.

I jumped slightly, startled, as George step out from behind his father. I hardly recognised him.

George was solemn and looked wiped. I could only imagine what he was feeling. It didn't seem real that he would no longer have his best friend and twin brother to play jokes with, no more having Fred finish his sentences. He was looking around the room slowly, as if he was remembering them together here. His eyes flickered, his brow creased, I could only presume it was his memories of Fred.

His eyes fell on me. I felt for sure I would be on the receiving end of his wrath and braced myself.

George's expression surprised me. He looked concerned. So suddenly that I hardly could process what he did, George pulled up a foot stool next to me. He stared for a moment, like he was studying me.

He took a deep breath. I held mine.

"Harry, you can't blame yourself for Fred's death" he said in a matter of fact tone.

As if I was repelled by what he said, I pushed myself back into the seat. What was he saying, of course I am to blame, how could I not be?

He wasn't done.

"We all came here to fight Harry, knowing full well what could happen. It was a choice we all made willingly, as did the rest of the people downstairs."

I wasn't sure what to say to him in reply. This didn't seem real. Why was I not on my knees begging for their forgiveness? Why was he behaving this way? George kept his eyes on me; I could hardly believe what he was saying.

"We did fight for you Harry but we fought alongside of you as well, this was war for the Wizard world and we did what was needed so you could do your part." George's head lowered as he took another deep breath.

"Look Harry, Fred would not want you to take this on your shoulders of what happened to him and nor do any of us, you are like family to us." He placed his hand on my shoulder.

Hearing those words unhinged me. My eyes were stinging but I dared not let myself surrender to believing they could think of me as family still.

I looked at Mr and Mrs Weasley, then Ron and Ginny, searching for signs that George was wrong, that he has spoken out of turn and that they would never again welcome me into their lives.

There were none to be had. As much as their grief claimed Mr and Mrs Weasley, their faces were... smiling, not broadly of course but lovingly. They nodded their heads in silent agreement with what George had just stated for the family.

"I…" Words escaped me as tears fell once more. I didn't think I had any more in me from earlier but they were flowing, cascading even, down my face. My head fell into my hands as I tried to breathe through my tears.

If they had turned their backs on me, I truly didn't know what I was going to do. It would have felt like losing my parents all over again, but worse. I have grown to love this family as my own. They have protected me and taken care of me when no others would. Even when Sirius came into my life, the Weasley's didn't take a back seat, they still looked out for me, treated me as one of their own.

"Thank you…" I said through my hands, sobbing. I felt I had no right to feel this way especially with what they were going through but I couldn't contain my emotions that felt like they had been on a roller coaster all evening. It was like everything I have been through since I was born, the good as well as the bad hit me all at once. But it was mostly all the tormented pain and suffering I had felt through the years, it just came out... I had kept so much buried inside of me.

"Mum..." I heard Ginny say.

"Go Ginny, he needs you" I heard Mrs Weasley say to her daughter.

"It's okay, oh Harry..." I could feel her arms around me.

"Let it out son" I felt Mr Weasley's hand pat my back.

"You will be okay" he said gently.

"I'll make sure of that" she whispered in my ear, holding me tighter.


	3. Remember Me

**OLD VERSION OF DID I TELL YOU – PLEASE READ CHAPTER ONE NOTES FOR THE EXPLANATION ON WHY.**

Disclaimer: J K Rowling owns all of Harry Potter characters.

* * *

**Did I Tell You**

**~ Chapter Three ~**

**Remember Me**

Hogwarts clock began to strike out the time. My whole perception of time must be seriously out. I would have thought it would be close to eleven or later but the clock never chimes after eight in the evening and restarts again at six in the morning. Each toll of the massive bell in the tower got louder which again didn't normally happen. Something isn't right here...

I counted out the chimes in my head. It was approaching the seventh stroke and wondered if it will strike. It did and I felt the vibrations come through the floor; it was slight, nothing more than if a truck had driven close by a house. We all kept silent – eyeing each other warily of this strange event. After what happened today we were all on tender hooks – myself probably more than the others.

"It's midnight" Mr Weasley stated looking at his fob watch confirming my thoughts of the hour.

Eight, the lights began to flicker with the vibrations growing. Nine – the volume was uncomfortable to the ear now as it resonated into the tenth stroke without a break. Each stroke had eerily shuddered throughout the school as if it were beating out the demons it had been host to earlier. I could see in the eyes I met looking around the room that no one was in fear. Apprehensive for sure but I couldn't detect more than that. I kept scanning the room for... for what? What was I expecting to happen? There seemed to be a longer pause for the eleventh stroke to chime.

My heart felt like it surged up through my chest as a hideous dread gripped me that this day would not end – that the stroke of midnight would not strike and I would never escape from the nightmare of fighting Voldemort. The only reason I would not want it to continue would be to somehow go back in time and save my friends, especially the ones I consider as family.

I held my breath as the nausea in my stomach threatened to expel what little there was in my stomach waiting for the last and final toll to ring out. It struck with such force that I had to cover my ears. My eyes flicked to Ginny first as she buried her head into my chest from the sound, other than that she seemed fine. I scanned the room for any anomalies that could be a threat. Hermione was doing the same thing; her eyes were wide, now I saw fear in them.

My jaw tightened as I felt uncertainty build inside me. Will there ever be a time when we don't feel threatened? Is it possible to be free from the inner dread that grips my entire body so readily? I just want to feel safe, to know the ones I love are safe...

As the last resonating sound died out, Ron uncovered his ears and lost it. "What the bloody hell was that about?" he wasn't frightened, he was angry.

I envied him; as a compelling need filled me to find out what had been the cause of it.

"I don't know, but I reckon that would have scared a lot of the kids downstairs" George piped up equally annoyed.

"It sounded so sad" Mrs Weasley said looking at her husband searching for answers.

I hadn't thought of it that way, I suppose it could have been sad or despair maybe.

"Who knows with this old castle, it has many secrets. I don't think it is anything to be worried about but I will go and check it out with Professor McGonagall." He said cupping her face reassuringly.

"I'll come with you" she said concerned.

"I'd like that" he smiled at her warmly. "George?"

"Yeah, I'm coming to. I bet Luna will know what it was." His lean figure got up from the stool he had been sitting on for the last hour.

"Try and get some sleep all of you. Especially you Harry dear" Mrs Weasley came over and placed her hand on my head as if to reaffirm her affection towards me as a member of her family. It felt good.

"I will. Thank you" I said looking at her but it felt wrong for me to be staying here while they investigated the cause.

A part of me wanted to get up and be the one to seek out the mystery on why the clock had chimed that way. Not them, they have been through hell and should not be putting themselves in possibly danger looking for the reason.

_Enough, I've – had – enough! _My mind ordered myself in retaliation and tried to bury the thundering impulses deep and as far away from the urgency in me to take action. My muscles stiffened from the warring going on in my head and felt myself shift slightly in anticipation of getting up.

"Harry?" Ginny broke through my thoughts.

Her voice was all it took to secure victory over the ridiculous notion to follow Mr Weasley. I had been searching for Horcruxes and following leads for so long now that it had become instinctual to pursue the unknown. But in my heart, there was no other place I wanted to be but here with Ginny, safe and secure in my arms. I didn't reply with words, none were needed when a kiss could express more than anything that could be said. Nothing else mattered. My breath caught with the way she was able to wrap herself around my heart and bind me so perfectly to her – it was the greatest sensation I have ever felt.

Ron began making noises in complaint. Ginny's hand that she had securely around my neck was gone in an instant. I opened my eyes in time to see she had grabbed her wand and was aiming it at him.

"You wouldn't?" he protested.

"If she doesn't then I will!" Hermione threatened. "Leave them be Ronald or you will find out just handy I am with a silencing spell!"

"Hermione" He complained, quickly backing down.

"Trust him" she said firmly.

"It's not him I have trust issues with" he protested a little too lively for Ginny.

She broke away from our kiss and with a flick of her wand she transfigured him into a rabbit. I had no idea she was able to do that.

"Nice job!" I congratulated her.

"I would have turned him into a ferret but I figured Hermione might have preferred a rabbit instead. Easier to pat" she said amused at her handy work.

"Quite right" Hermione laughed picking him up and looked him straight in the eye. "You are lucky I didn't turn you into rat because you are certainly behaving like one." She placed him down on the seat again and looked at Ginny expectantly.

Another flick of her wand and he was returned to normal.

"How in the blazes did you learn to do that?" he said gobsmacked at his sisters talent.

"It's not hard to do. Any dimwit wizard can do a transfiguration spell" she said smugly.

Ron's mouth instantly shut as his amazement turned to annoyance. I wondered by the look on his reddening face if he was going to be stupid enough to take her on again. If he followed true to form he would but I hoped for his sake that some common sense would get through that thick skull of his.

I got up and poked at the dwindling fire before putting another log on it. The spasms of the muscles in my chest, twinged as I recalled when Sirius risked exposure and possible capture to himself by contacting me through this fire place. I had needed his help on how my name got in the Goblet of Fire and without question he helped me, always did. Sirius was the closest thing I had to a father ever since Voldemort killed mine and in my gross stupidity he died in his bid to rescue me from one of the Death Eaters after me – his cousin – Bellatrix Lestrange.

It took me by surprise when I reached out to steady myself against the mantel piece. In what would have been a very small period of time my breath had become short and laboured. Beads of sweat were forming on my forehead from the memories of seeing Sirius fall into the curtain and out of my reach to help him. It only took one flash back to unhinge me and feel like I was caught in the deepest hole of hell. The more I tried to suppress my thoughts the darker it became for me. Guilt and sorrow wretchedly consumed the overwhelming happiness I had felt just a moment ago from Ginny's touch.

"You're doing it again" She said concerned as her hand guided my face to look at her.

"I'm sorry. I can't stop the memories, they just..." I swallowed hard as my eyes closed ashamed from not being able to control these grief driven attacks that send me spiralling down into my own private hell.

"I know you can't, I wish I could help you. But that wasn't what I was talking about." She said gently stroking my cheek. Her voice again handed me a lifeline pulling me out of the spiral.

"What were you talking about?" I said softly taking in her tender beauty.

"You moved away from me" My eyes flew open as her words pained me as much as the memory of Sirius.

"Never" My arms were around her pulling her tight into me before I had even realised they were there already. It was like my head was doing catch up from the shock of what she said.

"I wasn't thinking, Oh Harry I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" her hold on me was equally tight. "I was trying to distract you and I just made it worse."

"Ginny no, don't say that. It's not your fault" I hastily tried to make amends.

"Your face says otherwise" she paused biting her lip. "I saw the pain in your eyes"

"I just don't want you to ever think I would leave you again" I was feeling more at ease knowing I hadn't really upset her, she was more ribbing me for not being next to her on the couch. This I can live with and saw the overreaction was for what it was – a knee jerk response to my memory of Sirius.

She sat back down on the couch I kept her close to me. After a while I felt the gentle rhythm of her breathing as she fell asleep on my chest. Hermione had fallen asleep leaning against Ron, his head had fallen back encouraging his snoring. It didn't seem to bother Hermione one bit.

The calm of night finally set in. Ginny's gentle breathing relaxed me, as my eyes closed I could see her in my mind. The image was so clear, her amazing fiery eyes, so intense, staring at me with a passion and that beautiful smile of hers. I smiled as my mind surrendered to sleep with us together.

The unwilling departure from my dreams was not without effort. I had been dreaming of Ginny and I travelling together. We were so happy and far removed from the anguish of last night. I tried to force myself back into the happy place I had just been when I became aware of whispers in the room. My nose picked up the strong smell of bacon, my favourite. My stomach growled in response to my senses being overwhelmed from the delicious smell. My heavenly dream began to fade further and further away from me as I was being drawn out like an animal from its cage – with the promise of food.

It struck me like an electric shock that Ginny was no longer with me in my arms. That opened my eyes faster than any craving for food. My vision was blurry and then I realised I didn't have my glasses on anymore. I expect she took them off while I was asleep.

I patted the floor just below me searching for my glasses. A blurry figure entered my sight and put the glasses in my hand. Her hand I recognised immediately.

"Thanks Ginny" I replied through my croaky morning voice.

"Hey there" she replied affectionately "How are you feeling?"

I thought for a moment, not knowing really how I was feeling so replied with a brief response to avoid questions I didn't know the answers to yet.

"Okay. What about you, are you alright?" I asked caringly fixing the glasses in place.

"Sure, I am fine" she said with a warm smile on her face.

This was definitely the best morning I have had in... I don't know how long. It was like heaven to see her first thing and looking so perfect.

Professor McGonagall came into view

"Harry my dear boy. How are you feeling lad?" she asked with a surprisingly loving tone.

"Professor" I said a bit croakily and cleared my throat. "I'm ok thanks"

She studied me for a bit and narrowed her eyes scrutinizing my appearance I supposed. It was a while before she spoke.

"I want you to take it easy today Harry, you have been through..." she looked for words that could describe or express what I had been through. None seemed willing to come forth so she settled on the obvious

"You have been through too much lad, you must rest" I offered her a smile, for so early in the morning I wasn't really up for in-depth dialogue.

Speaking of early, I noticed the professor appearance was more dishevelled than normal. It was apparent that she had not slept then I remembered the clock striking and Mr Weasley going to her for advice.

Hermione came over with a tray in her hands. The closer she got the stronger the smell of bacon wafted through the air. As she leaned down to put it on the stool in front of me I could see that it was brimming with bacon, scrambled eggs, sausages and fried tomatoes and a cup of butterbeer. My mouth was salivating, my stomach let off another growl with anticipation of this food being consumed.

"Harry, Kreacher brought this for you especially, are you hungry at all?" she asked. I supposed she was unsure if I was in the mood to eat. I was, and a load of it.

"Yes I am thank you" I replied as I grabbed the cutlery off the tray "Remind me to thank him later please"

From the first mouthful the bacon flavour saturated my senses in a heavenly bliss that for a moment I forgot how many eyes were watching me.

Ron was his usual tactful self "Mate the sausage is wicked, dig in, dig in" he encouraged downing nearly and entire sausage in one mouthful.

I nearly choked on my food from laughter. He had barely any table manners and certainly fingers came before cutlery if at all possible in Ron's eyes. But if you knew Ron as I do, that was his way of giving the highest compliment to the chef. I wonder if Kreacher was nearby enough to pass on this on.

After about third or fourth mouthful I stopped immediately as a realisation took hold.

"Professor, the people that were here last night... are they all ok?" I asked earnestly.

"How could they not be Harry, you have saved us all from Voldemort" It was the first time I had heard the Professor call Voldemort that, it sounded so strange.

"The families who have lost loved ones are being cared for Harry, do not worry yourself over that" she placed her hand on my shoulder reassuringly as she gazed at Ginny then Ron sympathetically.

"Your parents would be so proud of you. I am so proud of you Harry" she said looking back at me. Little did she know that I had seen my parents. They were with me as I walked to meet my death with Voldemort. It was them that gave me the strength I required when I needed it the most. They told me then how proud they were of me and I will treasure that moment forever.

"And the clock Professor, last night how it struck at midnight, what caused it?" I asked anxiously but it was more for the welfare of my Weasley family.

"I don't know what caused it but I don't think there is anything to worry about. It could have been a student who put a spell on it as a way to express their grief. It could have been any number of things Harry and as I said to Mr and Mrs Weasley, we will keep a vigil for anything strange just in case." She explained.

I wasn't sure if this settled my nerves or not. The mystery was still unsolved. But I did feel relief knowing that the Weasley's were alright.

"What is going to happen now?" I continued with my questions though in the back of my mind I was wondering what I will do now. Where shall I go from here? The Dursley's was definitely out, there wasn't much of the school year left and I wouldn't get enough marks to pass now. I had no idea if I would be welcome at the Weasley's as a lodger and to go back to the house Sirius left me alone was not something I could bear.

"Rest my dear boy, rest." She said as if it was obvious. "I'll have the house elves get your accommodations sorted today and your trunks sent."

"But professor, we have missed so much schooling, how can we catch up?" Hermione asked alarmed.

"I didn't think of you being here as students, what you all need is rest and this is the place for you all to get that and be together. Unless you would prefer to be somewhere else?" she leaned her head to the side questioningly.

"Here sounds great to me" I didn't hesitate but would the others?

"Yes I want to be here as well" Hermione said equally keen for the idea.

"I'd like to be here also if my parents are okay with it" Ginny was unsure of how they would feel after everything that had happened. An anxious look claimed her as her eyes fell on me. It felt good, no more than good; it felt like a tenderness had filled me inside that warmed my heart to know she wanted to be here with me, I can only hope her parents would allow her and Ron to do so.

The Professor was true to her word and organised accommodation for us all. The biggest relief for me today was when I heard that Ginny and Ron were able to stay here as well. Mr and Mrs Weasley didn't want to go home yet, they felt the need to stay at Hogwarts for a few days to be sure everything was actually safe. The main reason though was because of Fred, they were organising his funeral.

Surprisingly the next few days passed quickly and as if like a precession the sayings of goodbye to those who died began. Most services were held at the school, some at family homes where we used either port keys or the flu to get there from the school.

Every single one was gut wrenching, to know I was responsible for so many. It wasn't until Fred's that it hit me harder than the others. I stood next to Ginny at the Weasley home where it was decided he was to be buried. I listened to different people speak over how wonderful he was, how he brought so much to their lives. All was true that was said but it didn't seem enough to express how I felt about him. He and George had done so much for me through my years at Hogwarts, but it was their friendship and acceptance of me in their lives that was missing in the words spoken. They truly treated me like a brother, bailed me out of all sorts of messes and supported me when others didn't. Ron did as well, but it is different with him, he is my best friend.

Ginny's quiet sobs brought my attention back to her. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder as she turned leaning into my chest. My other arm was around her in comfort, holding her close. I could feel the tears run down my face, for Fred for Ginny for what I had done to them.

When the service was over and the mourners had left, the family gathered around separately. Nothing was said, it was a quiet farewell. Mrs Weasley placed a brilliant red flower on his coffin. I didn't know what species it was but it was truly stunning.

We stayed at the house that night. The next day was the funeral of Remus and Tonks. We went to Tonks mother's house where they were to be being buried. It was the first time I had been here. Their son Teddy Lupin was in the arms of his grandmother. He was too young to understand that he had lost his parents but I could see the way she was lovingly nursing him that he would not suffer the same fate I had when Voldemort killed my parents.

Their funeral was equally emotional as Fred's. Less people but Remus didn't socialise that much being a werewolf. If he only knew how many people accepted him for him, they didn't care about him being a werewolf and didn't have to hide away from the world like he did.

After the funeral was over, Tonk's mother approached me and smiled.

"I may have lost my daughter and Teddy his parents, but to know that my grandson has Harry Potter as his godfather is of tremendous comfort" she said affectionately. I knew I was but until now I didn't really make the connection of what that meant.

I smiled at the thought of knowing I was able to be involved in their son's life, that I would have some part of them with me in the years to come. My eyes met Teddy's and went to hold his hand. He wrapped his hand around my finger tightly smiling at me which brought on a sudden surge in my emotions. It took me by surprise of the affection I already felt for him, a bond. I marvelled at our instant connection and wondered if Sirius had felt the same for me when we first met?


	4. Eternal

**OLD VERSION OF DID I TELL YOU – PLEASE READ CHAPTER ONE NOTES FOR THE EXPLANATION ON WHY.**

Disclaimer: J K Rowling owns all of Harry Potter characters.

* * *

**Did I Tell You**

**~ Chapter Four ~**

**Eternal**

Pieces of my life had been scrambled forcing me to endure many losses of those I had come to care for and love, some pieces were more like the size of the world that weighed heavily on my heart and I wondered if I would ever fully recover.

The scar on my forehead – the symbol of being marked to be the chosen one, was nothing compared to the scars inside of me that no one could see. But they were there, deep and rescinding none of the pain and hurt they caused. Some I thought would break me, change me, maybe they already had in some ways.

How I see myself and where I fit in of the magical or muggle worlds is complicated and in many ways distorted. My purpose for existing now gone and yet I am here. I have no idea how others see me and in many respects I didn't care. My only concern was Ginny and her happiness. But she is not my purpose; far from it. Ginny is the eternal love that keeps me from drowning in this cascading darkness of pain and grief that consumes my being.

I watched the brilliance of the sun's burnt orange ray's fall behind the distant hills as it surrendered to the curtain of the star filled night. I sat alone on the stone wall outside of the Weasley home in awe of the beauty of this transformation taking place.

It was rare for me to find a moment to myself, to think. I know the Weasley's were worried about me and I had tried to give them no reason to be concerned. Their kindness in welcoming to their family as a son was more than I deserved and I had felt nothing but loved. But I am struggling inside.

Voldemort had been defeated but the cost to me personally has been more far reaching than I could have ever thought possible. In some ways he has got off lightly with death compared to the endless pain and hurt that shadows my life during the day and haunts my dreams of the night.

Maybe it was just all too raw still and that is why I found it hard to come to terms with my emotions.

So many people have died because of me. As much as this is denied by others I know better. If Voldemort had left his mark on a stronger person, a more capable wizard, then I wouldn't have lost all those I loved who died protecting me.

To me there was no other reasoning and I shunned any accolades offered. There was no victory for anyone in my mind, only escape.

The funerals were over, the grieving continues for us all left behind.

Professor McGonagall had made it clear that I, along with Hermione and Ron were welcome to stay at Hogwarts as guests. All three of us agreed to this and tomorrow we will back there.

My only solace I could find at this time was my Ginny. If she wasn't going back their then I was resolved to be wherever she was. I didn't care what I did or where I was, so long as I was near her.

She is the one constant in my world now, near my every thought that wasn't consumed with grief was of her. Ginny was my rock that kept me from teetering over in losing myself in this aftermath of pain.

_I think..._ I gasped as my mind cruelly speculated on what it would do to me if anything ever happened to her, if I... My eyes stung as a wave of emotions gouged into my battle scarred soul. The very thought of not seeing her again, to lose her... It would simply end me. I tried to push back the tides of fear encroaching on my reality and was glad to be alone for the moment.

Ginny worried about me, I knew if she saw me now that it would hurt her. I was thankful that Hermione was a distraction as they readied themselves to return to Hogwarts.

The last of the heat from the sun left me and a cold breeze brushed past me, it made me shiver.

"How long Harry?" Hermione spoke softly behind me but I still jumped at the sudden sound and had my wand out at the ready facing her. "Sorry" she said taking in my expression.

I breathed in deep closing my eyes steadying myself. I put my wand back in my back pocket as I recovered from the surprise. _Still in battle mode _I chastised myself.

"No it is fine; you just startled me is all." I turned and sat back on the stone wall. "I'm sorry I drew my wand at you Hermione" I could do nothing but apologize for my reaction.

"Harry, how can I help you through this?" she asked softly.

I knew she would be biting her lip with worry and if Ginny wasn't with her then she would be watching me from a distance. But what could I tell her, I didn't have a clue how to get past this. It just made it worse knowing that I was causing Ginny more pain.

"I don't know Hermione. I just need some time alone." I didn't know what else to say.

"You know you can talk to me don't you?" she offered.

"Yes I do and thank you, but right now I don't want to talk about it." I looked up at the house to see if I could see Ginny.

"Where is she?" I asked with no thought of continuing what Hermione came to see me about.

The one thing I would like at this moment is to feel Ginny in my arms. There is no one else who can bring meaning to my life. Her hold on me is soul deep and I needed her. As it turned out she felt the same way about me. In some ways that scared me but I knew it was my fear of losing her like I had with nearly everyone I loved that brought this reaction out in me. She understood this about me. So much, so much she understood. No words were really necessary between us.

"Right now, in your room burying herself in packing your gear for tomorrow. She's trying to give you space." This was Hermione's way of chastising me for causing Ginny grief and rightly so.

"Where's Ron?" She knew exactly what I was asking, was Ginny alone?

"In the kitchen as usual" she replied but I barely heard the last word before I apparited into my room pulling Ginny into my arms the second I arrived.

"I'm sorry" I said lifting her chin for my lips to meet hers.

Ginny let out a soft moan wrapping her arms around my neck pulling me in hard. I didn't resist. I wanted her touch as much as she wanted mine.

It was some time before I forced myself to break the moment. "Am I forgiven?"

Her expression was nothing short of wicked "And if I say you are not?"

"Then I would ask for a raincheck for when you turn eighteen love" I grinned back at her.

Ginny and I were committed to each other but I was not stupid. I would give her till she was eighteen to be sure of her feelings for me.

She sighed heavily. I couldn't help but chuckle at her disappointment.

"It's not so far away" I said lifting her chin again so I could look into her eyes.

"Yes it is" she argued but knew I would not be budged on this.

"My heart belongs to you love, you know that."

"Then kiss me some more" There was fire in her eyes that I could not resist.

I cupped her face and brushed my lips against hers. "Shouldn't I be packing my gear for tomorrow" I said softly.

Her hand reached for her wand and without a word flicked it and my clothes folded in mid air. Each one floated down into the waiting open trunk in a procession that would have any other witch or wizard for that matter, would be in awe of how well she did this.

I looked back into her eyes grinning.

"I think you're sorted, now shut up and kiss me!" She demanded. Who am I to argue with such beauty commanding me?

The train to Hogwarts was noticeably emptier than usual. Many of the Slytherin student members were probably the biggest numbers down. My mind churned over wondering what had happened to them. Many had lost family in the fight and to me that made them dangerous. They were the children of Death Eaters and like the Malfoy family, influenced by what their parents said and did.

Voldemort was dead but the hatred and distain for muggles and muggle born wizards lived on. It was only a matter of time before another wizard tried to be the next Voldemort.

It was at that moment that I could see how I could do something useful at Hogwarts while I waited for Ginny to complete her schooling. Dumbledore's army would live on and I knew the professor would not be against me in training students in how to defend themselves.

The first opportunity I got I sought out Professor McGonagall.

"So what do you think?" I asked her after explaining my intentions.

"It has merit Harry and I agree with you." She paused looking at Professor Dumbledore's portrait. "But I think it is too soon. Wait till next year before you start this up."

As with many people, she placed her hand on my face. It was in sympathy of what happened, I understood this but it was unnecessary. I also understood why she wanted me to delay teaching the students how to defend themselves. Even the children of Death Eaters would be recovering, there was no immediate danger. Another thought came to my mind.

"Professor, would you agree in allowing students to sign up for next year?" I saw doubt cross her face.

"If there is anyone out there thinking of taking on Hogwarts again, maybe they will think twice if they knew that the students here were not as vulnerable as maybe first thought." I added to explain my intentions.

"You are suggesting to be proactive?" she asked for clarification.

"Precisely" I knew the best way to safe guard against students losing their lives was to give them the tools to protect themselves.

"Okay Potter, I can agree to that." She smiled.

Later that night, after Ginny went to bed, I began walking through the school. I found myself at the bell tower and to my surprise many of the house elves were there as well as Kreacher.

"Why are you all gathered here?" I asked Kreacher.

"We meet here every night at midnight since that first night of the fallen." He replied solemnly.

"Why?" I pressed gently.

"The Hogwarts children and teachers and our own kind who were lost in the battle, we come here to remember them."

"And you come here every night?" I was stunned by the actions of these house elves.

"We would ring the bell every night as we did the first to show our respect. But we scared so many of the children when we did so we just gather and call out the names of those who died." Kreacher explained with a heavy heart of what they were doing here.

The mystery of the bell toll that first night had been solved. It never occurred to me that it would be them who rang the bell that night.

"I'm sorry Kreacher; I never thought how this had affected you all. I was so caught up in my own grief." I looked at every elf in turn and saw precisely how the death of so many had taken its toll on them.

"Master has his own troubles to deal with; he need not worry over our sorrow."

"But I do now I know how this has affected you as well. May I stay with you while you call out the names?"

Kreacher nodded his head and they began calling out names again. Some of the names I didn't recognise but then there were the ones that I did.

"Fred Weasley" a female house elf spoke. My eyes closed as the ache returned of his absence being a huge hole in my life and that of my new family.

_Will the pain ever ease?_ I wondered.


	5. Chapter 5

Did I Tell You

This chapter has been removed temporarily for editing.

Always,

Emisha xox


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